tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20061061400584194262024-03-22T01:33:00.609+00:00just another bridget jonesizzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.comBlogger82125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-25952608538564625412011-05-25T23:20:00.000+01:002011-05-25T23:29:35.628+01:00teenage dreamI love this song. It goes on in the car when I need a bit of a pep talk in the mornings. I drive a slightly longer distance to a couple of peripheral clinics a couple of days a week and sometimes the best part is driving in the car music turned up and forgetting all about work/clinics/life. Sometimes a bit of space is good. I have a mental playlist of my own feel good songs. Sometimes I think I haven't enjoyed chunks of time at school, at uni, my year out blah, blah, concerned about what people think, passing exams, my weight, my face blah blah. I always think it'll get better, I'll try harder but sometimes I forget to just live. Do my best and be done. But even with Katy Perry it's difficult. And now I need to decide should I go to a ball? I've got this fear of balls, from school I think and yet almost 10 years later it's stuck with me. I guess I should tell myself to get over it. It's definitely about time.<br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/katy+perry/track/teenage+dream?locale=en-GB">Katy Perry - Teenage Dream</a><br />via <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/">FoxyTunes</a>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-57135491018129534132011-05-21T19:07:00.000+01:002011-05-21T19:14:39.724+01:00catch upI seem to permanently play catch up with one thing or another. I hoovered, tidied, cleared and filled out paperwork today. Oh the joys. Now it seems it would have been much easier to stay put instead of moving to the other end of the country. Monday looks like it'll be a day of phone calls and sorting. But for now I have time to myself, all to myself. Quite a luxury. So much so, I went and bought a Wii. Only to discover when I reached home and started piecing it together the bloody thing doesn't seem to connect to the TV, or should I say it connects but doesn't work. No idea why. Cue a second trip to the shops and another adaptor later and low and behold it still doesn't work. Pants, I'm stuck. Yet again I feel I need a man. I just about managed to stop myself from asking the checkout guy to come home and fix it. He might have just taken it the wrong way eh. Anyway, I'm off to have another go and hope that it doesn't end up with me throwing the whole thing out the window. Relaxation anyone?izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-32038757620618720632011-05-06T00:14:00.003+01:002011-05-06T00:33:33.750+01:00darknessI'm starting nights again. It's a wee bit daunting in psychiatry. There's the main hospital, then several outlying wards so I tend to hop in the car if I'm called down to them at night. Of course the radio comes on and I'm privy to the weird and wonderful night time anthems on the waves. But there's something almost soothing about those beats, well thuds, when the night is at it's darkest. Somehow it's like I'm in limbo waiting for the morning sun. At that time, the problems of the day seem small, a million miles away. And you know sometimes I quite like it.<br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/chase+%26+status+%26+delilah/track/time?locale=en-GB" title="'Chase & Status & Delilah - Time' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Chase & Status & Delilah - Time</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic;font-size:10px;" >via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-59490373991212091502011-04-27T20:10:00.003+01:002011-04-27T20:30:28.619+01:00moments and usefulnessSo after thinking about wishing away time I sat in clinic today and tried hard not to wish it was over. You know doing as I say and all that. The first two patients didn't show up and I was left twiddling my thunbs. Sun shining outside and here I was stuck inside. Bah. So I sucked it up and got out a book, all be it "on death and dying" (Elizabeth Kubler Ross) but a fascinating read. It should be on some sort of reading list at university. Such an important part of work but overlooked in so many ways.<br />Then I listened to some cheesy pop on the way home. Sometimes we all need an escape.<br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/alexis+jordan/track/happiness?locale=en-GB" title="'Alexis Jordan - Happiness' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Alexis Jordan - Happiness</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-74711990836449747562011-04-25T20:04:00.001+01:002011-04-25T20:08:26.936+01:00bruisesThis makes me smile. It was in an apple advert a year or two ago. I'm not even sure if they sing anythingelse.<br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/chairlift/track/bruises?locale=en-GB" title="'Chairlift - Bruises' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Chairlift - Bruises</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-18573141112628046832011-04-25T19:33:00.001+01:002011-04-25T19:51:01.322+01:00mondaysNow that I'm working closer to 9-5, I seem to get that oh god it's monday feeling on a nice lazy sunday evening. Gah. Horrible. But nonetheless I grumble my way round monday mornings and drag my self into work. I spend the morning thinking of the one hundred and one other jobs I'd rather do then by midday or so I've kinda realised I'm stuck with my lot and what the hell am I thinking, just get on with it for christ's sake woman. Then the afternoon goes by and I get so happy at the prospect of home time, anyone would think I was back at school. And here we are. Wishing my life away, one chunk at a time. I'll do that, AFTER my exams, after my results,after 1 st year after 5 th year and so we go; wishing life away slowly; but, surely there's more to enjoy than exams, study, assessments, work. Ha! Wishful thinking. But then I was actually thinking for once and you know perhaps this is just the season of work, of passing exams, of jumping through hoops. Maybe I should just try and enjoy it, rather than fighting it all the time. Just Maybe. I'm game to give the new theory a go. For one thing it has to be more fun!<br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/martin+solveig+%26+dragonette/track/hello?locale=en-GB" title="'Martin Solveig & Dragonette - Hello' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Martin Solveig & Dragonette - Hello</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-9056903932514948902011-04-24T19:11:00.002+01:002011-04-24T19:50:41.898+01:00random thoughts on a sunny sundayMy head's all over the place. The better part is I finally did some letters this morning. They were hanging over me and it doesn't help that I'm not a great fan of writing/dictating for work. So phew, I can relax, well, at least until tomorrow then it all starts again. Rubbish.<br /><br />I also love this song. We watched Jack and Sarah and it's in such a sweet scene there. <span style="font-style: italic;"> "I wanna fall through the stars straight into your arms..."</span><br /><br />So to go all old school, I think I've got a bit of a crush going on. I'm so all over the place mind you. I worked with this guy for a bit and kinda had that "ooo, your kinda hot in a wow your good at your job way." But nothing ever happened. And I changed jobs. Bumped into him occasionally but he never said much so I didn't think much. Move on another few months and as I drag all my worldly belongings into the hospital accommadation I would be in for the next year and who rocks up. Yes, him. So then he lives down stairs from me for, what, yes that's right another 8 months maybe. And NOTHING. He was with another girl for a few months I think so I guess that explains some of it but still I'm confused. We all happened to be at the pub the other night and he was there. I think I managed a couple of words and that was it. WHAT?! So here we are none the wiser.<br /><br />I have no idea when it comes to men. Bah.<br /><br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/simply+red/track/stars?locale=en-GB" title="'Simply Red - Stars' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Simply Red - Stars</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-91227028488227328722011-04-21T08:23:00.002+01:002011-04-21T08:29:42.643+01:00surrealI was sat in my first clinic. The phone rang. The receptionist, "A patient has arrived, he asked for Dr.... that's you, right?" Really, me? I caught my breath. It hit me. I guess I am a doctor but somehow this all felt too grown up and the responsibility, WHAT! this can't be true. But it was and it was my responsibility to tease out this guy's issues and provide something resembling a solution. Surreal. And almost kinda fun.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-14470885300079195102011-04-17T00:07:00.003+01:002011-04-17T00:34:08.845+01:00finding my grooveI think I used to think five years and bam, you're a doctor. You learn the knowledge and put it into practice, right? I'm sure you'll agree it's not quite like that. I'm working under a consultant just now who will retire just as I finish the job. He's worked, in various capacities as a doctor for, I'm guessing, 40 years at least. Experience is priceless. Learning how to tackle the concotion of issues patients, relatives, fellow staff, establishments throw up each day is invaluable. As time creeps on, in the space of a year or two, the art of observing, of patience and of calm in the face of chaos, become covetted skills. The art of being able to say, "We can watch, we can wait" even for a moment longer, can bring clarity to a situation looking dire moments before. From cardiac arrest calls to irritatinf relatives to the angry patient that moment, I'm learning is vital. Just as finals are complete at medical school, it's easy to think that's it, but the more I work, the more I realise that was just the very beginning of a long road, a long road of continual learning, adjusting, reviewing, reading, interacting and hopefully, enjoying. Though it times it seems impossible, I'm doing my best to learn from the older folk, they've seen a lot and that counts for a lot.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-91593492146911473622011-04-16T00:00:00.003+01:002011-04-16T00:27:18.492+01:00troubledHis mother strode along the corridor, "oh quieten will you, nobody's after you," something she's said for 30 years or so. Thirty years caring for her son. And now we're at a loss. He's been to many facilities; turned away from many, not coped in many. And here we are again, rejections and options running thin. He shouts, shouts louder, paces, hands failing. The uncertainty is too much. These voices have troubled him from youth, from those early teen years. When the shouting settles, a shell of a man remains, apologising profusely, unable to control these outbursts. A personality somehow evades this chap, destroyed even before it had a chance to blossom. The voices, the thoughts too much for a child to handle. And now a grown man, lost, fumbling, child like in the midst of the harsh adult world. But his mother is still with me, his father hobbles along propped up by a stick. The father is quiet and full of thanks but with a look of defeat, of regret, of a hard life. His mother is tearful, wanting the best for her boy. A boy who is long since a man, yet troubled with the affliction of illness. Illness that has halted a personality, distroyed hopes of a life expected as the norm at birth. Illness that society all too quickly rejects or ignores, frightened of what lies beneath, frightened of the possibility. Even the highest does of the best medicines do not seem to help, the illness runs too deep, too entrenched. This is medicine.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-42215595757258624612011-04-09T11:35:00.002+01:002011-04-09T11:51:30.978+01:00balanceI used to think if you worked hard, did right, looked after yourself things would be fine. Sometimes I long for that innocence. Medicine is tough. I thought it was tough because of the endless exams, the long hours, the emergencies, the difficult decisions. The hardest part for me is chance. Disease isn't selective, the healthiest folk can be devastated, the survivor can be pummelled again and again by disease, the healthy mind can be engulfed by terrifying thoughts. Chance is the possiblility of being born into a family; broken by abuse, drugs, alcohol. Chance is the possiblility of being born fit and well into a happy home. <br /><br />I struggle with finding the balance; realising that just because we often see the worst of humanity, it does not mean that this accounts for the majority of humanity. Sometimes it's all too easy to lose it. I hope I can work on finding a happy balance.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-4131665462588987272011-04-08T21:18:00.004+01:002011-04-08T21:31:44.337+01:00In the mindI'm trying to read some psychiatry stuff and I'm thinking what would a mental state exam on me say. What would someone think of my beahviour and appearance, my mood, my thoughts.... and what would I think of their assessment. Psychiatry is so personal, so invasive but this is what makes it so fascinating. What happens in the chemistry of the brain to trigger persecutory delusions, flights of ideas, pressure of speech, florid halucinations and psychosis? It mind boggling and intriguing. It's daunting. I think I'm almost looking forward to getting stuck in. But first a lot of reading, I feel quite out of my depth.<br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/the+wallflowers/track/into+the+mystic?locale=en-GB" title="'The Wallflowers - Into The Mystic' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">The Wallflowers - Into The Mystic</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic;font-size:10px;" >via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-78982533495933556122011-04-04T16:53:00.003+01:002011-04-04T17:06:43.454+01:00quiet timesIt's almost time to change jobs. It's been a tense four months. Rota quibbles, job applications, exams and interviews, beliefs challenged, arms and legs stretched (and strained). But the endless nigths and weekends on call, meant that I had days offs in the week to catch up, sort out the piles of paperwork and sleep. I'm not very good at appreciating these times, I worry, I pace, I tear my hair out. I'm heading to a (hopefully) more relaxed job, more normal hours but probably less random days off so it's only now I have sortof appreciated these quiet days. Time for thinking, resting and I guess, doing nothing! A bit of a luxury.<br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/cary+brothers/track/ride?locale=en-GB" title="'Cary Brothers - Ride' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Cary Brothers - Ride</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-79314625336584686942011-03-30T23:03:00.001+01:002011-03-30T23:21:08.349+01:00chattingLast day of my holiday today; had a lie in (finally after a week and a half I learn to sleep in to only have to get up early again tomorrow, oh the hardship!). I also realise I need struture: I don't do so well without it; I worry, I fritter around and I get fed up. Only another few days and it'll be change over time with work so last weekend in this job coming up.<br /><br />So I've been to Orkney with one of my old and good friends. We had a grand jolly, saw plenty of the historical things and even managed a bit of shopping. Listened to good tunes in the car while driving and met some interesting folk. Have now caught up with Downton Abbey and Sense and Sensibility so am quite saturated with period dramas and now love them despite reservations at first. I love the way that some things really don't change. I've done lots of chatting over tea and cakes with good friends and even managed to squeeze in a little bit of work stuff. Time off is definitely to be appreciated.<br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/bruno+mars/track/talking+to+the+moon?locale=en-GB" title="'Bruno Mars - talking to the moon' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Bruno Mars - talking to the moon</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-89202842012871610922011-03-29T21:25:00.001+01:002011-03-29T21:35:13.672+01:00a 1000 gifts<ul><li>days off and friends who like tea</li><li>friends who take the time to visit and like road trips</li><li>inspirational conversations with strangers<br /></li><li>strangers who offer a sort of familiar face when all will be new</li><li>a shiny new phone with a camera so no excuse for no photos</li><li>foundation that almost doesn't look like foundation<br /></li><li>pretty dresses for a night out on the town with the same friends who like tea</li><li>legs that don't mind dancing all night long, even in heels</li><li>a job that gives me days off to do all these things</li></ul><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/fleetwood+mac/track/landslide?locale=en-GB" title="'Fleetwood Mac - Landslide' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Fleetwood Mac - Landslide</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-90044342067103240062011-03-29T20:35:00.002+01:002011-03-29T20:54:31.636+01:00rediscoveriesI've popped back to write because, well, I miss it, I've tried other spots but for now here is where I'll jot stuff down. I miss the odd snippets that jog memories. I've been working for a year and a half now and yes, time flies. Doesn't always feel like it but before I blink another day's gone by. I like the idea of "a 1000 gifts", a book and blog series I came across centred around appreciating the little things to be thankful for in everyday<span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;"></span> life. I like the thought of taking a moment to appreciate the amazingness of life because at times it can feel pretty rough. So here's to remembering the good things and the fantastic things and the things that can all too quickly be forgotten.<br /><br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/biffy+clyro/track/mountains?locale=en-GB" title="'Biffy Clyro - Mountains' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">Biffy Clyro - Mountains</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic; font-size: 10px;">via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-9530056138860198512010-02-01T12:14:00.003+00:002010-02-01T13:18:31.088+00:00keeping it realOn paper things look super duper. A quick glance in and things still look pretty darn good. But a little further in things are a bit fuzzy. Oh and right in there, there's a cold, dark place which doesn't want to budge.<br /><br />Let's start from scratch. I'm 24, I have 2 arms and 2 legs, hair on my head, chubby cheeks and glasses on my nose. I've been told I look about 12 but unfortunately 24 is closer to the mark. I did my thing at school, freaked out aged 17 and took a gap year, came back, studied and hey presto got a job. So here I am, working, earning and being.<br /><br />There's another thing which I'll write here because, well, I think I need to say it somewhere. And when there's all those disasters, bitter strife and unfairness in the world this sort of thing pales into insignificance but alas I'm going to be just a little bit self indulgent, bare with me, it's not something I've ever said out loud or written down but...me....I've never been kissed, I've never kissed, no one's ever asked me out-on-a-date (discounting a rather warped encounter with online dating). And well, folks, I'm beginning to wonder if I've got tentacles, 6 eyes or daggers poking out of me that as of yet, I just haven't discovered.<br /><br />So this is my diary to keep me sane and tell all those tit bits that I'm too scared to tell anyoneelse about...<br /><br />Bring. It. On. Well, I'll try to sound brave at least.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-64271721334441648592009-11-14T21:05:00.003+00:002009-11-14T22:00:10.978+00:00just one weekSitting tucked up on the sofa tea cup in hand, laptop on knee and the x factor on the tv. Rockin' saturday nights I'm telling you. But it's my weekend off, it's my time and I love it.<br /><br />The week started off badly. Well, to be honest the monday after a weekend on is always going to be rubbish. I'm knackered, my feet are knackered and well, as Mr S said I'm" just cream crackered dear." I mixed up2 warfarin prescriptions at 5 to 6 in the evening, I was chasing after blood chits at 6.25 and I got away at 6.31pm. I ran down the road, realised I had nothing to feed my dinner guest. I dived into the coop and at 6.50pm I had an assemblence of tea rammed into my mary poppins bag. At 7.02pm I carrerred into my street to discover dear friend abanndonned outside my front door. Apologies to all. Only to discover I'd come home attached to my bloomin bleep. Get me away from that thing. So the kettle's on and I'm on the phone to switchboard frantically transferring bleeps as it's the overnight one too And I breathe. I breathe again pour a couple of glasses of wine and relax. Now I understand alcoholics. Then a good gossip, a just about passable meal and more good gossip, things are looking up. Even tuesday was looking almost possible. I even avoided sending my cv in reply to the local chippers advert for a part time counter assistant. Perhaps life in hospital for me could go on.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-15916673973923558582009-10-07T10:51:00.003+01:002009-10-07T18:05:00.400+01:00aliens and chinese visa shennanigansA few weeks back I booked up flights to Shanghai and in my excitement (and then a stretch of work, where in nothingelse gets a look in for 4 weeks) I bypassed the thought of visas. In my infinite wisdom, I thought passports in date=sorted. Until my father dropped visas into conversation yesterday. WHAT VISA? I might have screamed down the phone.....I NEED A VISA? Yes that's a question...no Dad I don't know if you do need one or not...oh, so you're sure I need a visa...but I go in 5 days...where do I get a visa from in 5 DAYS people??<br /><br />And so I remained calm (I wish) and frantically googled "visas for china emergency" and other such things till I got this emergency number for the embassy in London. A totally cool, calm and collected lady answered, listened to my spiel in blind panic and then assured me there's a consulate in Edinburgh who can issue visas in a couple of days.....WOW, thank the lord. Profuse thanks followed. Then I discover it's blooming Chinese national holidays till today (how rude).<br /><br />So that's how I landed up on the train down to Edinburgh at 6am this morning. And how I saw the most beautiful sun rise along the coast. And got to the Chinese Consulate just before 9am. Phew. Five minutes later I'd handed it in and was out on the street again wtha ticket to collect it tomorrow. Here's hoping all is sorted and they don't decide I've got some unkown criminal record/infectious disease/goverment spy personna and give the passport back with the visa tucked inside tomorrow as per the deal.<br /><br />Who knew this travelling lark was quite so stressful.<br /><br />Just to add a little excitement for me, E bookers phoned and told me that there was a significant change to my flight details and could I call then immediately. Give it up people, I mean come on, I just want to go on holiday for a couple of weeks, not a blooming space mission to Mars. As it turns out it's just a few hours different from before but they sure know how to get you tachycardic in seconds.<br /><br />But I guess, at least I have the chance, the freedom to travel. I'm not having to put everything on the line to cross borders in order to avoid conflict, ethnic cleansing, famine......I guess I take my passport and my rights for granted. That's a lot more than some people may ever get.<br /><br />And tomorrow, I'll find out if the Chinese want me in their country or not. I am, after all according to their embassy site an "alien" entering- see their "law of the control of entry and exit of aliens". I hear they welcome foreingers with open arms.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-90724200219761658972009-09-28T22:46:00.002+01:002009-09-28T22:55:32.555+01:00just a rubbish dayToday was one of those days where it felt like I was always chasing my tail. Everything I touched seemed to break and everything took an age to do. I blame this all on the fact that I never had my essential morning cuppa. Well, I'd like to but I guess some days will always be crappy. It got to 9pm and I was still behind. Blood results to chase, phlebotomy forms to print, a couple of patients to see.<br /><br />But in amongst all the rubbish, I thought I'd make the effort to think about the better parts. Mr D's family profuse thanks for his care, talking to Mrs M about her husband's palliative care, laughing with Mr J over the silly ECG machine printing out strange patterns, getting an arterial blood gas on a very scared patient, stubborn Mr W laughing with me for once.<br /><br />And usually it's these tiniest moments throughout the day which keep me going. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth it. Here's to a better start to tomorrow....izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-34909522031072241172009-09-26T19:50:00.003+01:002009-09-26T20:10:39.894+01:00sunny daysI love the sun and today was sunny, even warm enough to just wear a t-shirt outside. Exciting stuff for this part of the world in September. And even better I am off and can be outside enjoying this weather. So I had a good run this morning before having lunch with one of the other girls who work in the hospital. We had a good gossip about, well, you guessed it the hospital. Getting out gripes is most definitely therapeutic. Then it was time for shopping! As usual I found plenty of things I don't need and failed miserably on the perfect-black-trouser hunt which is, by the way, is getting a bit desperate. As it stands I have 2 pairs. One passable baggy, the other jogging bottom-esque baggy. Comfy but not really workie clothes. Darn it. Ideally I'd be well up for scrubs. Equalling much less hassle each morning as I ponder the dimishing clean clothes pile and try to avert gaze from the ever growing laundry heap. One can wish. Till then it's pink tops and dodgy black trousers. Someone has to keep up the femine side on the ward I tell ya.izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-56912339179938794092009-09-25T19:38:00.002+01:002009-09-25T20:06:06.753+01:00day 12 of 12And it's the weekend! A weekend all to myself, no hospital butting in. It feels sort of strange. Like I'm at a loose end. I'm sat here thinking through to-do-lists, running through the patient's on the ward, going over conversations with relatives in my head. The tv's on in the background and I'm typing but I'm in another place. Still at the hospital and still with the patients. Is this what all consuming is? Cos I'm pretty much sucked right in. And now I need to get out. Leave work at work and be at home at home. Relax.<br /><br />And a hug would be great!izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-42216394051053755512009-09-23T23:09:00.003+01:002009-09-23T23:23:52.640+01:00to write or not so right?I come home each evening with lots of little tit bits, little stories...sometimes bigger angsts and I think, I should write all these odds and ends down before a new day starts and a new lot of tit bits take over. But the trouble is I'm knackered. The whole damm time. Well, I guess at work I just keep going. But as I walk home I think of a cup of tea, the tv and bed. I know, how sad is that but I spend my whole day with people: asking me for things, chasing me about things, mad at me for things out of my control and sometimes I just need an hour of peace, of letting go, of drifting off.....<br /><br />So the stories and tit bits I want to remember are forgotten as the day ends and my body collapses into bed. And before I know it, it's time to do this whole chibang again. The madness, the patients, the relatives, the friends, the nurses, the doctors. And somtimes, just sometimes, I manage to remeber to go to the toilet during the day. Sometimes, I also wonder about renal failure.<br /><br />Nobody told me that when I applied to medical school...eh?izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-396843646617872512009-08-28T16:57:00.005+01:002009-08-28T18:53:01.076+01:00adjusting<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSXPNKTGcrvI4AHW2K5jCjpnFl3lZksml1mp00OpgUTsPvSgb2dfxmE2gbsSUSxhyk3F_oEX18u2LefMwn_DkRRvdI29nHSloUPHnOEfwoBc4JwCzlWznTj5tIukQI-P3Z5llHAh-p2Te/s1600-h/P1010086.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSXPNKTGcrvI4AHW2K5jCjpnFl3lZksml1mp00OpgUTsPvSgb2dfxmE2gbsSUSxhyk3F_oEX18u2LefMwn_DkRRvdI29nHSloUPHnOEfwoBc4JwCzlWznTj5tIukQI-P3Z5llHAh-p2Te/s320/P1010086.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375071596813571218" border="0" /></a><br /><br />And it's working, finally, the internet. I feel like I'm reconnected with my life. Bank, email, training, work suddenly becomes much easier when you're not trying to do everything five minutes before the library closes. Or in zero time when you get to the door and it's just closed for the night. Work takes up a pretty big chunk of time. Internet training modules seem to take up an even bigger chunk: who doesn't want to do 5 quizzes on healthcare associated infection, learn about the ins and outs of fire safety, death certification and more interestingly admittedly prescribing and pharmacy. That was my day off. The day before was altogether better, it was pay day. Gulp, I realised it's time to budget, save, find out what an ISA is, think about what to do with an overdraft I was always so happy to extend just a few months ago. Responsibility. I mean who wants it really?<br /><br />I've back home too. Not to live with my parents. But it's good to be back. That's the very red front door and after scouring round plenty of pretty dire shoe boxes expecting hefty rents, this place hit the nail on the head. Nice on the inside and ok pricewise too. I've even discovered the sofa is super comfy for post-nights slumber. Sssh, don't tell anyone, I dig out a cosy blanket and curl up on the sofa with the chunky pillow and turn on whatever day time delight is on the tv and promptly fall pretty much unconcious for the rest of the day. I always seem to be slightly confused on wakening in the evening to the same episode of Friends that was on that morning, before stumbling up from the couch to fall into shower and start the day again just as it seems the rest of the world are going out on the town or going to bed....then I'm in the hospital again....izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2006106140058419426.post-90102979609593241382009-06-26T18:07:00.005+01:002009-06-26T20:20:16.828+01:00footloose and fancy free<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchaPzJU2QBeisLEfqQ4tLtofW-1bgCvt7Cqg3k8ZgjvrXJyLxvFmxVhE-Keb2SoIwNFQmfQY4XImp_6OdqTNVJk7KvhO8X8Xpo0OTDfP5whjuPWCamNG_Yu0hPdGo-XwEFxkhXU7HWavf/s1600-h/sa.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 195px; height: 95px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchaPzJU2QBeisLEfqQ4tLtofW-1bgCvt7Cqg3k8ZgjvrXJyLxvFmxVhE-Keb2SoIwNFQmfQY4XImp_6OdqTNVJk7KvhO8X8Xpo0OTDfP5whjuPWCamNG_Yu0hPdGo-XwEFxkhXU7HWavf/s320/sa.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351718202752629730" border="0" /></a>5 years ago I had a couple of months left in Malawi, the country I was calling home during my year out. I had lived there for 10 months by this time and was pretty much settled into life there. I left a young wee peely waly 17 year old and was already a rather browner, fatter 18 year old version of the same self that had left Scotland the year before. I'm not sure what I expected during the fashionable, if a little common, "gap year."<br />-did I want to discover my true self? (not really, not my sort of thing.)<br />-did I want to be someoneelse? (yes I was desperate to not be me.)<br />-did I want to see the world? (apparently not as I spent much of the year in one place in one country, a wee road trip to South Africa aside.)<br />-did I want to save the world? (yes, I had a vague notion this was entirely possible)<br /><br />But even now I'm not sure quite what made me so sure I wanted to take this rite of passage getting on with life. I just knew I really <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> wanted to. I decided that nothing less than 12months away would suffice so<a href="http://www.projecttrust.org.uk/"> Project Trust</a> it was. None of this namby pamby 3 month business. I wanted the real deal and nothing less. I can't remember even properly asking my parents if I could go; I had sort of decided it all already in my head: I would go for the selection week and take it from there. I could then spend the next 9 months or so fundraising before leaving for year out country (now known as Malawi-Project Trust don't tell you where you go until after the selection week) when I finished my last year of school.<br /><br />The letter with my assigned country and project arrived and I had to go and find Malawi on the map. And then it was time to start raising the £3500. Car boot sales, car washes, guess the teddy's birthday, bag packing, dishwashing....you name we were onto it. And I was amazed by everyones genorosity and words of encouragement. But I don't think I ever knew just how hard this year would be. I wasn't going to suddenly grow into this confident, skinny, go getting girl who could speak to anyone and have any man she wished. Oh how I wanted just that to happen.<br /><br />I went on the training week, met the girl who I'd be spending this year with as we'd be working on the same project and packed my rucksacks ready to fly away the next morning. I said my goodbyes. Not so emotional. A quick hug, words to take care and have fun and that was me. Off to Heathrow where I'd meet the rest of the Malawi group and where we'd board South African Airways Johannesburg flight before connecting to Blantyre in Malawi. I desperately wanted to tell the businessman next to me I was going to Africa for A YEAR, A WHOLE YEAR, BY MYSELF but instead I buried my head in Shopaholic Goes Abroad and lost myself in Becky Bloomwood's perfect life.<br /><br />I'd not been so sure of my project partner for the year when we met on training-she was everything I wanted to be and I was intimidated to say the least. So we muddled by, both afraid to say what we were all thinking: would we get on and survive the year or would one of us crack and leave? We were in the air, we were gone.<br />----------------<br />Listening to: <a href="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/james+morrison/track/the+pieces+dont+fit+anymore" title="'James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore' - open on FoxyTunes Planet">James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore</a><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153); font-style: italic;font-size:10;" >via <a style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);" href="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes</a></span>izzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14021295736871782792noreply@blogger.com0