Thursday, 28 May 2009

5 days

It all feels impossible. Everytime I mention it, it sounds silly but it does-how will I ever know enough. Seems like never but with 5 days to go I guess that's not good enough. Exams 99% of thoughts. Sleep 1% Food 1%. That's how it goes. Gah. Well, here's my best shot.....

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

one week

One week today and I'll have sat the clinical exam. Doesn't bear thinking about. I'm sat here with teary eyes jumping from one thing to the other not quite sure if I know anything. In the back of my head, fleeting thoughts of different careers go by....almost like having a plan B. Maybe I should just scream and scream and it'll all go away. No?

Listening to: Timbaland - Apologize
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, 24 May 2009

sunny sundays and yes, deja vu too

Sun's shining and I'm inside. Oo, deja vu...yes I think so. Summer just creeping in = exams! For the 5th year now and for 3 years at school, ouch. Buit nothing for it to keep the head in the books, got too much to lose now. Boy do the stakes feel high.

Listening to: Beyoncé - Deja Vu
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, 23 May 2009

Would you lie here with me?

Just working away. Sometimes I let myself have a sneaky dream about life after finals but somehow that feels like a jinx. But sometimes it's what keeps me going. Time's slipping away and the exams edge closer. Sometimes I feel like I know nothing. Sometimes I'm just too tired to even think about what I know. Sometimes the whole thing seems impossible. Nothing else for it but back to the books....

Listening to: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, 14 May 2009

flying by

Time is flying by like carzy just now and there's always too many things to squeeze into the day. Writing my portfolio report and will be very glad to get it finished. I feel like it's taking valuable revision time away but alas needs must. Onward ho.

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

3 weeks

3 weeks today I will have sat the clinical part of my finals. What a thought. Gah. Makes my stomach churn with just the mention of it.... GP just now and it's going alog. My mind's half there and half with finals. Off to write my case report up. Hopefully a bit speedier than my usual efforts.
Sometimes I want to scream to let it all out there......deep breaths

Saturday, 2 May 2009

About to pop!

Sometimes I just feel I'm either going to explode or implode. The tension just gets all a bit too much. It seems impossible just too high a mountain to climb but the worst bit is what do I do if I don't get over this next hurdle, then what I ask myself.... I guess I'm scared but with that comes a strange low. I'm back to seeing the negative things everywhere the obese man, the down-and-out, the lacoholic, the drug addict, and I loose the plot. And I just want it to be over-what's the point in this life? I get my myself down. Is this some strange coping mechanism or is it depression? I hate apportitioning labels but I guess with a label it perhaps seems more legitimate. Or am I just medicalising something natural we all feel at some point? Whatever it is I hope it passes. Nothing looks good anymore and I'm fed up.

Friday, 1 May 2009

4 weeks (and still counting)

Started GP block this week, my last one before finals. So the pressure's on. Another 3 weeks of gp then 1 week preparation for practice then whabang finals begin. I go from totally freaked out to totally blaazae....within hours every day. Only thing I can liken it too is preganancy....

Off to have a revision session with obs/gyn placement buddy. But my brain is dead, frazzled, caaput. I think it's time to run....