Saturday, 14 November 2009
The week started off badly. Well, to be honest the monday after a weekend on is always going to be rubbish. I'm knackered, my feet are knackered and well, as Mr S said I'm" just cream crackered dear." I mixed up2 warfarin prescriptions at 5 to 6 in the evening, I was chasing after blood chits at 6.25 and I got away at 6.31pm. I ran down the road, realised I had nothing to feed my dinner guest. I dived into the coop and at 6.50pm I had an assemblence of tea rammed into my mary poppins bag. At 7.02pm I carrerred into my street to discover dear friend abanndonned outside my front door. Apologies to all. Only to discover I'd come home attached to my bloomin bleep. Get me away from that thing. So the kettle's on and I'm on the phone to switchboard frantically transferring bleeps as it's the overnight one too And I breathe. I breathe again pour a couple of glasses of wine and relax. Now I understand alcoholics. Then a good gossip, a just about passable meal and more good gossip, things are looking up. Even tuesday was looking almost possible. I even avoided sending my cv in reply to the local chippers advert for a part time counter assistant. Perhaps life in hospital for me could go on.
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
And so I remained calm (I wish) and frantically googled "visas for china emergency" and other such things till I got this emergency number for the embassy in London. A totally cool, calm and collected lady answered, listened to my spiel in blind panic and then assured me there's a consulate in Edinburgh who can issue visas in a couple of days.....WOW, thank the lord. Profuse thanks followed. Then I discover it's blooming Chinese national holidays till today (how rude).
So that's how I landed up on the train down to Edinburgh at 6am this morning. And how I saw the most beautiful sun rise along the coast. And got to the Chinese Consulate just before 9am. Phew. Five minutes later I'd handed it in and was out on the street again wtha ticket to collect it tomorrow. Here's hoping all is sorted and they don't decide I've got some unkown criminal record/infectious disease/goverment spy personna and give the passport back with the visa tucked inside tomorrow as per the deal.
Who knew this travelling lark was quite so stressful.
Just to add a little excitement for me, E bookers phoned and told me that there was a significant change to my flight details and could I call then immediately. Give it up people, I mean come on, I just want to go on holiday for a couple of weeks, not a blooming space mission to Mars. As it turns out it's just a few hours different from before but they sure know how to get you tachycardic in seconds.
But I guess, at least I have the chance, the freedom to travel. I'm not having to put everything on the line to cross borders in order to avoid conflict, ethnic cleansing, famine......I guess I take my passport and my rights for granted. That's a lot more than some people may ever get.
And tomorrow, I'll find out if the Chinese want me in their country or not. I am, after all according to their embassy site an "alien" entering- see their "law of the control of entry and exit of aliens". I hear they welcome foreingers with open arms.
Monday, 28 September 2009
But in amongst all the rubbish, I thought I'd make the effort to think about the better parts. Mr D's family profuse thanks for his care, talking to Mrs M about her husband's palliative care, laughing with Mr J over the silly ECG machine printing out strange patterns, getting an arterial blood gas on a very scared patient, stubborn Mr W laughing with me for once.
And usually it's these tiniest moments throughout the day which keep me going. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth it. Here's to a better start to tomorrow....
Saturday, 26 September 2009
Friday, 25 September 2009
And a hug would be great!
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
So the stories and tit bits I want to remember are forgotten as the day ends and my body collapses into bed. And before I know it, it's time to do this whole chibang again. The madness, the patients, the relatives, the friends, the nurses, the doctors. And somtimes, just sometimes, I manage to remeber to go to the toilet during the day. Sometimes, I also wonder about renal failure.
Nobody told me that when I applied to medical school...eh?
Friday, 28 August 2009
And it's working, finally, the internet. I feel like I'm reconnected with my life. Bank, email, training, work suddenly becomes much easier when you're not trying to do everything five minutes before the library closes. Or in zero time when you get to the door and it's just closed for the night. Work takes up a pretty big chunk of time. Internet training modules seem to take up an even bigger chunk: who doesn't want to do 5 quizzes on healthcare associated infection, learn about the ins and outs of fire safety, death certification and more interestingly admittedly prescribing and pharmacy. That was my day off. The day before was altogether better, it was pay day. Gulp, I realised it's time to budget, save, find out what an ISA is, think about what to do with an overdraft I was always so happy to extend just a few months ago. Responsibility. I mean who wants it really?
I've back home too. Not to live with my parents. But it's good to be back. That's the very red front door and after scouring round plenty of pretty dire shoe boxes expecting hefty rents, this place hit the nail on the head. Nice on the inside and ok pricewise too. I've even discovered the sofa is super comfy for post-nights slumber. Sssh, don't tell anyone, I dig out a cosy blanket and curl up on the sofa with the chunky pillow and turn on whatever day time delight is on the tv and promptly fall pretty much unconcious for the rest of the day. I always seem to be slightly confused on wakening in the evening to the same episode of Friends that was on that morning, before stumbling up from the couch to fall into shower and start the day again just as it seems the rest of the world are going out on the town or going to bed....then I'm in the hospital again....
Friday, 26 June 2009
-did I want to discover my true self? (not really, not my sort of thing.)
-did I want to be someoneelse? (yes I was desperate to not be me.)
-did I want to see the world? (apparently not as I spent much of the year in one place in one country, a wee road trip to South Africa aside.)
-did I want to save the world? (yes, I had a vague notion this was entirely possible)
But even now I'm not sure quite what made me so sure I wanted to take this rite of passage getting on with life. I just knew I really really wanted to. I decided that nothing less than 12months away would suffice so Project Trust it was. None of this namby pamby 3 month business. I wanted the real deal and nothing less. I can't remember even properly asking my parents if I could go; I had sort of decided it all already in my head: I would go for the selection week and take it from there. I could then spend the next 9 months or so fundraising before leaving for year out country (now known as Malawi-Project Trust don't tell you where you go until after the selection week) when I finished my last year of school.
The letter with my assigned country and project arrived and I had to go and find Malawi on the map. And then it was time to start raising the £3500. Car boot sales, car washes, guess the teddy's birthday, bag packing, dishwashing....you name we were onto it. And I was amazed by everyones genorosity and words of encouragement. But I don't think I ever knew just how hard this year would be. I wasn't going to suddenly grow into this confident, skinny, go getting girl who could speak to anyone and have any man she wished. Oh how I wanted just that to happen.
I went on the training week, met the girl who I'd be spending this year with as we'd be working on the same project and packed my rucksacks ready to fly away the next morning. I said my goodbyes. Not so emotional. A quick hug, words to take care and have fun and that was me. Off to Heathrow where I'd meet the rest of the Malawi group and where we'd board South African Airways Johannesburg flight before connecting to Blantyre in Malawi. I desperately wanted to tell the businessman next to me I was going to Africa for A YEAR, A WHOLE YEAR, BY MYSELF but instead I buried my head in Shopaholic Goes Abroad and lost myself in Becky Bloomwood's perfect life.
I'd not been so sure of my project partner for the year when we met on training-she was everything I wanted to be and I was intimidated to say the least. So we muddled by, both afraid to say what we were all thinking: would we get on and survive the year or would one of us crack and leave? We were in the air, we were gone.
Listening to: James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Friday, 19 June 2009
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Monday, 15 June 2009
So at least the maintence people won't think I'm a bum....I'm dressed and the flat is spick and span after yesterday's rather late spring clean.
Listening to: Feeder - Tumble and Fall
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Planning a wee cycle trip I think to fill in the next few days trying to avoid this gruelling wait for results.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Listening to: Taio Cruz - I Can Be
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
All the topics which could come up tomorrow. Oh how much I hope the verbal diarrhoea doesn't start....reflection and thoughtfulness is apparently the key. Would Scrubs count as valid revision then? I wish.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Listening to: Matchbox 20 - Bright Lights
via FoxyTunes ----------------
Monday, 8 June 2009
Listening to: The Killers - Mr. Brightside
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Listening to: The Killers - Human
Monday, 1 June 2009
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Listening to: Timbaland - Apologize
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Listening to: Beyoncé - Deja Vu
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Listening to: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Sometimes I want to scream to let it all out there......deep breaths
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Friday, 1 May 2009
Off to have a revision session with obs/gyn placement buddy. But my brain is dead, frazzled, caaput. I think it's time to run....
Friday, 24 April 2009
Listening to: Beyoncé - Halo
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Friday, 10 April 2009
Listening to: Beyoncé - Ave Maria
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Listening to: Katy Perry - Hot 'n' Cold
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Listening to: The Saturdays - Just Can't Get Enough (Radio Mix)
Monday, 30 March 2009
Thursday, 26 March 2009
I also spoke to my flatmate who is away in Tanzania at the moment and heard lots about how she's settling in which was great.
Then it's off up north tomorrow to visit an old friend.
And would you believe that's 2 weeks worth of holiday gone....just like that....
And all this time I've been thinking lots about someone, someone who I thought lots about when I was on placement on my elective, someone who would stir up those butterflies in my stomach when he popped into the paeds ward, someone who made me lost for words when he said hi, someone who had a cracking smile which made me melt when I saw him walking towards me, someone who I never wanted to say bye too, someone who I've been praying for.....sometimes, I don't know how it could work between us, a pretty whacking great continent in the way, but sometimes he seems so perfect I wish so hard that it will, somehow, work in the end......god willing.
Oh and lastly, I found this sweet site, for a bit of thoughtfulness... http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/
Now for some work......
Listening to: Goldfrapp - A&E (Single Version)
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Thursday, 19 March 2009
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
I woke up a bit too early this morning but not in vain. As I looked out the window to find this....the beginnings of the sunrise.....teaching me to appreciate what's on my doorstep. Needless to say I went back to sleep. I'm on holiday, come on!
Listening to: R.E.M. - Nightswimming
Monday, 16 March 2009
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Friday the 13th was Red Nose Day (Comic Relief). It brings back memories of dressing up as the flinstones, wearing pyjamas and baking red cupcakes at school to raise money and of course we would get home from school and if I was round at a friend's house we would beg to stay up late to watch the live tv show. The idea is to raise money for projects here and in Africa through fun and games so throughout the tv show they have short videos where celebrities go and investigate an aspect of health, education or sport which the money raised would be helping. Aged 7 these clips made a huge frog jump in my throat and shed a few tears and I wished so hard I could do something to help. This year, they focused on lives lost to malaria in Uganda and being not a million miles from Malawi, the images were all to familar, a convulsing child, a comatose one, a delirious one...the quinine lines running, the blood transfusions, the tiny cannulae. So now I had seen it first hand, I guess my childhood dreams had kinda come true. But I wish it was as simple as my childhood determination. The more I see Malawi the more complicated things become. The more it seems problems lie at a much higher politial level. Is that apathetic of me? Just reality I guess. But it still doesn't stop me from yearning to pass my finals and practice medicine in Malawi. What do the French call it again...? Something like, la maladie afrique......
Listening to: Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
Friday, 13 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
And so it snowed..again...it doesn't seem to lie much though. This is the view from the kitchen and my bedroom out towards Arthur's Seat a hill, I'm ashamed to say I've only been up two or three times in 5 years. Anyway it's pretty!
Listening to: Enrique Iglesias - Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)
Saturday, 7 March 2009
So my top three procrastination activities after many years of experience appear to be:
(1) The internet: email, blogs, facebook......
(2) Cleaning (am thinking minor ocd perhaps)
(3) staring into space...
you'd think I'd have gotten more imaginative by this point....
and maybe, just maybe, being a medic n all that I would have learned to incorporate exercise into procrastination alas I have not. So now it is lent, I'm thinking that might be my "resolution", not so much giving something up but adding something good into my life. Hmm so we'll see. Can old dog's learn new tricks??
Listening to: Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl
Listening to: Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor
Listening to: The Fray - How to Save a Life
Friday, 6 March 2009
I know where I'll be working (well, assuming finals are passed) and I feel happy with the job. But sometimes it seems like there's an impossibly high mountain to climb.....
Ok, so, regroup, plan and get down to work. Another 10 weeks and finals will be beginning...nothing like that to make your stomach churn.
Listening to: Nelly Furtado - Try
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Listening to: The Weepies - World Spins Madly On
Sunday, 22 February 2009
back to diabetes (I think my waist-hip ratio might be a worrying indicator of type 2 diabetes) anyhoo...
Listening to: The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved
ps. took the plunge and stood on the scales (clothes off ofcourse who knows how many extra pounds that would add) and we weigh in at 61.6kgs. so here goes to healthy eating, healhty exercise and happy brains.
Listening to: The Saturdays - Keep Her
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Listening to: Tinchy Stryder - Take Me Back (Radio Edit) [feat. Taio Cruz]
Then, there's the gastrointestinal ward. Many patients are chronic alcoholics some known for years others just starting out. One women, mid 30's, going on 60, well known, with decompensated liver failure has been admitted to HDU twice in a matter of weeks but both times has pulled through and is now sitting up on the edge of her bed wondering why her legs are wobbly and her hands have got the shakes. After each previous admission she has gone back to the bottle. Who knows if this time will be different?
Just along the corridor a young man in his late 20's has been admitted again, decompensated liver failure too but this man is not an alcoholic, he has cancer, a nasty rare liver tumour which has spread and is taking over his lungs too. As he is noticably weaker by the day, I can't help think what a pile of cards to be dealt. But he speaks of how much he's been able to do while the cancer was in remission, finish his degree, get a job, buy a house, a nice car and how he is glad to have been given that chance. But what can you say as he prepares for his oncology appointment to find out the results of the lastest scan and says, "I'd just like to know how long I've got, I mean, is it weeks or months or days, I'd just like an estimate." Somehow, he asks this, not pitifully but just as if he'd like to know whether Scotland will win the six nations. Sometimes certain patients just strike a cord and powerless to do anything, I say bye and thank him for speaking to me.
Everyone deserves the best care possible but some people will always seem more deserving than others. Who knows whats in store?
Listening to: Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
Friday, 20 February 2009
Listening to: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Sunday, 15 February 2009
1. I love the tune that goes with lloyds tsb adverts: it has a strange way of making me smile whenever I hear it.
2. I fall asleep to coldplay.
3. I love travelling on the train staring out the window plugged into my ipod daydreaming but usually an old granny/granda/bored mother/child decides they'd like to talk to me instead.
4. Everyone says I look like a kid-I can still pay child fare on the bus, well, in Aberdeen, anyway.
5. A boots lady there asked for id me when I was buying aspirin.
6. My favourite film is amelie, I think I'd like to be her in another life.
7.But I'm a complete sucker for any film with a happy ending....
8.I dream of being swept off my feet one day
9. But it's more likely, I trip over my own feet.
10. I'd love a big family but the thought of childbirth freaks me out so I think a general anaesthetic is the way to go. Stuff going natural.
11. I hate being cold. I love sitting reading with the sun on my back. (I think I should emigrate.)
12. I spent a year in Malawi now half of Scotland has been there. What can I say? I'm just a trend setter.
13. I now have a long and complicated relationship with Malawi. So beautiful but so screwed up. Don't get me talking politics. You'll most certainly regret it.
14. I was an au pair for 2 french kids and was a wreck by the end of the summer. Who said it was an easy way to learn french?
15. I love the idea of running. In reality, it's never quite so glamorous.
16. I'm a closet cleaning freak. And love nothing more than a clear out. Certain people may think I've no sentimentality. I say it's more an issue of practicality.
17. I dream of publishing a novel and living an idyllic, wrtier's life in the south of france in an old chateau. In reality, I'd never have the patience, talent or money to do any of these things.
18. I have a soft spot for chocolate chip cookies (but they have to be soft and squidgy in the middle).
19. And for Will Smith too (with stuble) but 7 pounds was a bit too emotional for me. Rugby players don't float my baot but tennis players do.
20. Mangoes are my favourite fruit and was in heaven when I went back to Malawi for my elective in mango season.
21.I love paediatrics but dealing with sick children is the hardest thing I've done.
22. I have an irrational fear of the police even though they brought me back my bike seat after some drunk stole it. A perfectly good use of police time.
23. I am incapable of making decisions (well fast anyway) so I usually miss the boat completely or drive others nuts while I'm thinking.
24. I hate photographs of myself....I always look a bit spaced out with my eyes half shut. But am now beginning to think that must just be how I am.
25.I have spent an hour doing this list while watching scrubs, eating chocolate biscuits and thinking I should be doing work.
studying: going too slowly
chocolate: see weight and you can guess
exercise: dug out bike. making strange noises.
Off again on placement tomorrow. I'm half way through this one so 4 more weeks stuck in the back of beyond then 2 weeks off (or studying, of course, studying) those finals are creeping up a bit too quickly for my liking, consequently I'm in denial. I try to remind myself I always feel better when I run but dragging myself out there in the cold and snow (darn, it's all melted now..another excuse?) is always close to impossible. But this week I aim to get out for a short wee run every day..ok, every 2nd day. Ok, ok, if I manage once this week I'll be happy.
Lunch today with S, we're both single though she's got way more guys in her life than I do, just things aren't working out for her. But I like hearing about all her PR things and various dramas.
The rest of theday was a non starter. I'm slowly realising I'm rubbish on my own. I think too much (usually in a downward spiral).
Early start for the train tomorrow. Will walk to station as part of fresh start. No excuses.
So here's my diary, hopefully, not too much a la bridget....