Saturday, 21 February 2009

Lost in Translation

I'm sitting trying to get my head in the books. Exams are looming, end of block and finals. And after the disastrous week there's a good whole lot of stuff to be done. Somehow, I feel disociated from it all and as I was debating whether or not to watch Lost in Translation (I've started it about 3 or 4 times over the past few weeks and never finished it) this morning before studying, I realised I feel like I'm lost in translation. Scraping around with all these books, piles of bits of paper with supposedly never-to-be-forgotten facts from tutorials, printed notes, course booklets and I am lost, completely lost. I know I have work to do but where do I start. It seems impossible but I need to get my head round to the idea, it's not, IF I do the work. Medicine has often been compared to running a marathon (both are completely bonkers ideas, medicine and marathons) and now I think I'm beginning to understand the metaphor. I thought first year would be the hardest-all new and alien. But my goodness, it's beginning to feel like a test of my endurance these last few months and now there's even more at stake. I'm so close yet so bloody far. And now, what's worse, after years of indesicion (numerous thoughts of packing the whole thing in) I think I really do want to be able to practice medicine. Soppy as it sounds, after my elective, I realised that it was what I wanted to do and that for all the life changing nonsense banded about, my elective definitely made me think about future careers. It gave me a big wake up shove to: get on with girl, stop all the deep and meaningful crap. But now, I'm drifitng back into the negatives, the what ifs. So, yes, this morning I feel lost in translation but maybe I just need to think of the bigger picture, the end result not so far away now. I guess for marathons it's all about the mentality.

No comments: